Try not to shoot any non-zombies. You’re going to need every friend you can get. And some of them might sleep with you.
Do not eat zombie flesh, no matter how hungry you are.
Do not have sex with a zombie, it’s just asking for trouble. And, by the way, EUW!
1 Know when it all kicks off: watch the network news all the time, have online news sources send you text messages regarding any zombie related stories. Remember, news outlets will rarely, if ever, use the word zombie, to avoid sounding alarmist, or lets face it crazy. Watch for important key words like “cannibalism”, “walking dead”, “mass hysteria”, “end of days” or “shoot them in the head”.
2 Keep at least one gun on you at all times, and as many as possible in your car, double wide or cardboard box. You probably don’t have a ‘house’. Relax, once the zombies come, there will be plenty of houses available.
3 You should always have some food and water on you as well, perhaps in a neat little leather man bag like the one Jack Bauer uses for his weapons. That guy is awesome and you’ll probably meet him one day as there isn’t a zombie in the world that could take him out! Keep the rest of your vittles in your vehicle. Relax, you only need enough for a few days as you’ll soon have all the food you can eat.
4 Choose a good place to hole up and outlast the zombies. Really big houses are good if they have a decent wall around the property and a high, strong gate across the driveway. Food may not be in great supply in these houses, though, as rich people get their food catered or so I’ve heard. My especial preference is one of these huge stores that sell a range of goods, like a Costco. You’ll have a bed, plenty of food and water, and even books to read, just not very good ones.
5 Get to a vehicle ASAP. Shoot all zombies in the head. This is only necessary for the classic, “Romero” zombie, other zombie types can be killed in a number of imaginative ways, but since you don’t have time to chat and find out the background of the shuffling, or running, killer that’s making a bee-line for your face, go for the head just in case.
6 On the way to your bolt hole, pick up a hottie of the opposite sex (if you prefer people of the same sex your just going to have to forget those preferences, close your eyes and think of humanity when you start re-populating).
7 Make sure the bolt hole is cleared of zombies and then close the place up, locking every door and boarding up windows where necessary.
8 Cook up a good meal, as you’ll probably be pretty hungry by now. Maybe crack open a bottle of wine and explain the need for re-population to your new partner. Smile when you say it and try not too look too desperate or creepy. Try really hard.